Recovery Thoughts From Belgium

by Dano (Belgium)

My name is Dano and I am a recovering sex addict.

I can recall at a very early age that I was having very strong thoughts in my head regarding sex. In the third grade (when I was 8) my very good friend Barney explained what he had found out the night before from his brother regarding sex and the basic acts. I can recall how I was very immature with this information and became very obsessed with thinking about sex and all the words that would describe it. I was very attracted to girls and wanted to spend time with them rather than playing sports. I can recall the excitement of passing notes in class and having crushes on a couple of girls when I was in the 6th grade, although I had already had a neighbor girl that I really liked and we were kissing at the age of 6 and 7. I lost my virginity when I was 17 in high school and I recall how my girlfriend wanted to marry me and feeling scared about that.

I was married at the age of 25 and soon after found that I was secretly going to nude dancing places and going about once a week and spending quite a bit of money. My first wife and I divorced after being together for 12 years and married for a total of 7. I remarried 2 years later and we now have 3 lovely children. I have found that I stopped going to the nude dancing places but I have allowed porn and lusting to slip back into my life. Last year in August my father died and after flying to the States for the funeral I returned back to Europe and my family stayed behind for about a week. During that time I went on the Internet for a few days losing a lot of sleep and looking at everything possible. I was so embarrassed and tired. I rebuilt the operating system to hide my evidence of going on the Internet and looking at porn. That’s when I got an e-mail from a friend I met in another 12 step program and it had a link to the SCA site. From there I went online and started to feel like I had a chance to recover and feel better about myself.

My sobriety has had its ups and downs, but I know there is a place for me to go and be able to talk with people who share the same issues and problems. I have learned that it is important to take things slowly and not demand perfection.